Her
by BelovedOne
Summary: Endgame. The crew is home. They split up, the ship is grounded. One person is lost in the chaos, and goes missing, and someone else notices and finds her. Can she be helped? Or is it too late? ***CHAPTER 2 POSTED*** A special visitor comes to help...
1. Empty

AN: Okay, here goes…

HER Chapter 1 – Empty Shell 

Summary: Endgame. The crew is home. They split up, the ship is grounded. One person is lost in the chaos, and goes missing, and someone else notices and finds her. Can she be helped? Or is it too late? Inspired by Miranda's "Black Hole" story. Thanks for the inspiration, Miranda! I hope you don't mind me using your idea (sort of)!

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"We did it."

No one heard her soft words among all the chaos on the bridge.

Everything began to flash by, like scenes of a movie playing before her eyes.

She watched her crew split up and leave, watched Tom and B'Elanna walk off the ship with baby Miral, and Chakotay with Seven. She watched her ship be picked apart by Starfleet engineers, no nook or cranny left unchecked.

What had been her only family for so many years was gone. What had been her home for all this time was now a strange, empty place.

She gathered her few things and walked slowly, finally taking her first step on Earth in seven long years.

As her foot touched the ground, she felt her being crumple.

Everything she was, everything she is…all of it in a ship and crew that no longer exist. A week goes by, then two. It takes three weeks before anyone notices that she is gone, so caught up are they in everything.

It is he who realizes that he has not seen her since they arrived here on Earth. It is he who sees what has not yet been seen.

He escapes the latest party in Voyager's honor, making a subtle exit and a hasty retreat. He gains access to the most powerful full-planet sensor array at Starfleet headquarters through his "connections" and sets out on a deep-level scan of the entire surface of Earth, starting in Indiana, North America, her place of birth.

Nothing conclusive catches his attention until several days later. He transports to the station nearest her location and sets out toward her new place of residence.

He arrives to find a tiny cottage tucked away in a dark corner in the middle of nowhere.

He knows she is here, but he cannot feel it. Whenever he has been with her before, he has felt the powerful presence of his Captain, however diminutive her form may be. She exudes an aura of authority, of strength. And yet, he feels nothing here. He feels only as if he is standing in some kind of black hole, where all life has been sucked out of this small place.

He raps his knuckles on the door.

He receives no response.

He knocks harder, and the door pops open, not having been closed properly when last passed through. He pushes it inward, ignoring the squeal of the antique hinges that hold it in place.

He tries, with all his might, to get a sense of where she might be, and finally gets the smallest of sensations that, though it lasts only for a single instant, impresses upon him where he might now look. He glances between the three doors on either side and in front of him, instinctually choosing the one before him. It, too, protests with a muffled squeak as he moves through it.

He sees her immediately, curled into a ball on the bed.

Although her eyes are open and she still breathes, she is but a shell of the woman he has known for so long.

He kneels so that his face is even with hers, but her eyes never move. She stares straight ahead, her gaze fixed on some distant, nonexistent thing.

He touches his combadge.

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Please review and tell me what you think…be gentle! I've not got much experience in writing this kind of fic!


	2. Life

HER Chapter 2 

"Lt. Tuvok to Voyager's EMH."

"Doctor here. How can I help you, Lt.?"

"Please report to my current location immediately, Doctor."

"Is there something wrong, Tuvok?"

"I will brief you when you arrive."

The Doctor's program shimmered into view a moment later. He turned to face the dark-skinned Vulcan, and caught sight of the woman lying on the bed. Her auburn hair was dull, her once-vibrant eyes lifeless, her skin pale and cool to the touch. "Captain?"

"She is in need of your help, but you should remain here. She should stay at this location until she is sufficiently recovered. I will acquire anything necessary for her immediate treatment, and shall assist you in healing her."

"What exactly is wrong?"

"I believe, Doctor, that she has lost her will to live."

And, indeed, she had. Her entire life for the past seven years had been devoted to getting her ship and her people home. Now that she had accomplished this seemingly impossible feat, she had nothing. _Not even,_ the Doctor thought, _Commander Chakotay._ She had forced herself to give up her personal life, to forfeit everything she wanted, for the sake of her crew. She had shut down her heart, and her soul, pushing them away as she tried to distance herself from all things emotional. There had been a few times when Kathryn The Woman had peeked through a tiny crack in the stony façade of Janeway The Captain, but these weaknesses had been covered quickly. Slowly but surely, Kathryn The Woman had shrivelled within the rock walls of Janeway The Captain, becoming this weak, helpless, lifeless being the two men saw before them today. When they had arrived home, she had been stripped of Janeway, leaving the fragile Kathryn in its place. Unprepared for this, she had slowly withered away, sinking into a deep depression, as was her worst weakness.

The Doctor injected her with some vitamins and nutrients, then tried coaxing her out of her comatose-like state, with no luck. Tricorder scans showed her brain to be functioning on only the most minimal levels, doing just enough to keep her alive.

Little by little, her two friends brought her back, if only in physical form. She lacked her usual sparkle, her vibrant personality, and her voice, once powerful and commanding, was now small and shaky. She spoke little, leaving the Vulcan and the hologram without the faintest clue of what might be going through her mind. She shied away from talk of her old ship and crew, slept most of the time, and never ate much at meals. It was three weeks before they got any emotion from her, and then only in the form of nightmares she woke screaming from. She would not reveal the contents of these horrifying visions, would not recount to them the scenes filled with blood and death, guilt and sadness—crewmen she'd lost, slain because she hadn't protected them; her assimilation into the Borg Collective and subsequent encounter with the Borg Queen; seeing herself as a bitter old woman with nothing to live for, save the crew she had so bravely rescued, sending them home while she herself was partially assimilated and then killed. Faces and events flashed before her mind's eye each night, bringing wild fear to her eyes as she shot out of bed and huddled in the corner of her dark room, screaming at the top of her lungs. It was at these times that she refused to let the Doctor or even Tuvok within five feet of her. Two more weeks of this ensued, lasting until, one day, someone from the outside world managed to reach them. Brown eyes filled with concern stared out at the Vulcan from the screen.

"Have you seen her, Tuvok?"

"If you have not located her, it may be that she does not wish to be found at this time." Tuvok's expression gave no hint of his knowledge that she was, in fact, in the next room.

Chakotay peered at him suspiciously. "Dammit, Tuvok! I _know_ you know where she is! Just tell me, please!"

"I do not feel that it would be appropriate to do so without her permission."

The Indian's face darkened. "Then I'll find her myself." The comlink was disconnected before Tuvok could reply.

One dark eyebrow quirked up. "Indeed."

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Two hours later, there came a knock on the door. When both men hesitated to answer it, the rapping became more persistent. Finally, the Doctor opened the door, and found Chakotay standing on the front step, holding a suitcase and a small box that had holes punched in the sides. "Let me see her."

"I'm not sure that would be advisable—"

"Let me see her!"

"T-Tuvok!" a faint voice called from the other room. Chakotay's head snapped up at the sound, and he pushed past the other two men, heading for the bedroom door. 

He entered the room, setting his belongings on the floor beside the door. Kathryn half-turned at the sound of his footsteps.

"Tuvok, I—"

"I'm not Tuvok," he said softly. She whirled around, the color draining from her face. She froze where she stood, staring at him unbelievingly.

"You—you're—you can't be—not you—no—I can't—"

"Kathryn, it's me. I'm here. For real."

She put a hand to her mouth to catch the sob that escaped, a tear meandering its way down her cheek. "But Seven—"

"—was never the one for me. There is only one woman for me, and she's standing right here in this very room." He retrieved the small box from earlier and held it out to her. "A gift for you." Kathryn hesitated for a long time before reluctantly taking it from him. Cautiously, she removed the lid, and gasped.

"Oh! She's beautiful!" She lifted the Irish Setter pup from the box, cradling it in her arms. She stroked its soft, silky fur gently. "Thank you." She kept her eyes averted from him, not knowing what to do or say. "What's her name?"

He shrugged. "That's for you to decide."

Kathryn sat down on the bed, crossing her legs beneath her as she let the pup jump up and lick her face. "She's a spunky one." She cocked her head, looking down thoughtfully at the little red ball of fur that tumbled over her legs. A wet nose pushed its way into her palm, nuzzling her. "Just the way I like 'em. How 'bout we name you…Nika. Yes, that's good."

When Kathryn looked up, he saw in her eyes, in her demeanor, that a spark of life had finally reignited in her, casting a healthy glow about her lovely features. Tuvok and the Doctor chose that moment to enter the room. Both raised an eyebrow at the sight of the squirming bundle that now resided on their Captain's lap, but said nothing. Instead, they took in the improvement that had occurred in her since they had last seen her, wondering at this miraculous change.

Chakotay remained there with them, helping to bring Kathryn back to life.

And, indeed, that was what they did.

She began to wander outside, taking Nika out for short runs and playing with her in the yard. One day, while she sat reading under the giant oak tree that stood tall at the front of the house, Nika lying at her feet, Chakotay came out and lowered himself to the ground beside her. She looked up from the book and smiled warmly at him. Since his arrival, their friendship had blossomed, and they had become as close as they had been before, on Voyager, if not more so. The puppy lifted its head, and, seeing him, clambered up onto his lap, curling up and going back to sleep.

Kathryn grinned. "She seems to have become very attached to you, hasn't she?"

"I've grown a little attached to her, as well." He took a deep breath. "Kathryn, I just want to say that I'm sorry."

She swallowed. "Sorry?"

"For everything. For Seven. For hurting you so badly. For not realizing that something was wrong with you." She winced at this. It was a sensitive subject, one rarely breached between them, but she accepted his need to speak of it now.

"I forgive you." She had searched her soul for any reason why she shouldn't forgive him, and had found none. "I really do. You couldn't have known that we would reach home so soon. I pushed you away too many times, even though I knew how you felt about me." She saw a glint of hope in his eyes. "And how I felt about you." She set down her book and rose up on her knees, so that her face was level with his. "There's something I've wanted to do for so very long. May I?" He nodded, not sure what to expect. She leaned in, her lips brushing his lightly. She pulled back, settling back on her legs. Looking up at him through her lowered lashes, she said, "Thank you." She stood and went inside, leaving him with a sleeping dog, an open book, and his thoughts.

"I'd say she's doing much better, wouldn't you?" Chakotay jumped, startling the pup in his lap. She leapt from her temporary bed and padded inside after her owner. The Indian twisted around, and saw the Doctor leaning against another tree, several feet away, his arms folded. He left his place and came over to where Chakotay sat. "Whatever you've been doing, keep it up. She's improving much faster than I'd thought she would." He held up a hand as Chakotay opened his mouth to speak. "Before you ask, I didn't hear anything. I came out just as she was coming in. She looked happy. I've not seen her that truly happy in all the time I've known her, either on Voyager, or here. Congratulations." He disappeared back inside. Chakotay stared after him, speechless.

Later that night… 

Chakotay looked up when he heard the door to his room creak open, but in the dark he couldn't identify who it was. The sound of nails clicking against the hard wood floor told him that Nika was with the person. He felt the canine jump up onto the bed, lying down beside him.

"You know, Kathryn, it's a good thing I'm a dog-lover, or Cuddles here would be on the floor, instead of on my bed," he joked. She came forward a little, and a moonbeam coming through the window illuminated her upper body. She was wringing her hands, and she looked nervous. Concerned, he asked, "What's wrong? What is it?"

She looked down. "I can't sleep. I'm—I'm afraid…" She trailed off, looking embarrassed.

"Afraid of?" he prompted her.

"I'mAfraidTheNightmaresWillComeAgain," she said in a rush. She looked as if she were going to be ill.

"Nightmares? Kathryn, I thought…you never said… How long have you been having them?"

"I never stopped having them. I just never told you or Tuvok or the Doctor that I was still having them. Can—can—" She stopped again. She swallowed hard, then continued, "Can I please sleep in here? It—it might help."

"Of course," he replied warmly, scooting over and pulling back the covers. She watched him with some trepidation, then reluctantly climbed in beside him, allowing him to wrap the blankets—and one arm—around her. As she drifted off to sleep, she felt Nika wriggle out from behind Chakotay and curl up in her arms. She sighed, and closed her eyes. That night was the most peaceful one she'd had for years. No nightmares touched her mind while he held her, safe and warm, in his strong arms.

********


End file.
